george carlin government doesn't care about youbreaking news shooting in greenville, nc

""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Live and let live. Bashful didn't use drugs. The seven dwarfs were each on different little trips. These are the same people who were elected with the help of the moral majority. Religion is just trying to control your mind, control your thoughts, so theyre gonna tell you some things you shouldnt say because theyresins. They dont mention anything about cursing a lack of candles. Dopey was into everything. It's as simple as that. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.". Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. George Carlin, 29. In the army they give you a medal for spraying napalm on people. Another failed mutation, another closed-end biological mistake. High-quality, grade-A, prime-cut, pure, American bullshit. You don't see a chicken strapping some guy to a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, 13. Maybe this time it'll work. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Nobody goes right to work. They want me to call that thing in the street a "person-hole cover;" I think that's taking it a little bit too far. I want people to know that I take care with my writing, and try to keep my standards high. And you might have noticed something else. Millions of dead motherfuckers, all because they gave the wrong answer to The God Question: "Do you believe in God?" By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. We got a war on poverty, the war on crime, war on litter, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, 11. No nothing. I gave up on my countrymen. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote "Yes." There are no innocent victims. So we keep ourselves limited. These people call themselves "right to lifers." Happens to work. Nothing left. Awfully sorry.. So, we must be clear about our expectations for government and its role in our lives. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. Doesnt happen. Deal with it. I've also grown weary of reading about clouds in a book. (. The only story I know of where clouds are important was Noah's Ark! Elect me." They even have a war college at Ft. McNair, Washington. 2. We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin, 79. 'Cause I got to tell you the truth, folks: when it comes to bullshit - big-time, major-league bullshit - you have to stand in awe, in AWE of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. Because chickens are decent people. ' George Carlin, 30. After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! I think humans were given great great gifts: walking upright, binocular vision, opposable thumb, large brain We grew. Well, if it's undisputed, what's all the fighting about? He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. I started this website because I wanted to help people like you to maximize their potential and achieve their dreams. Pointless careerism? People who actually know the second verse to "The Star-Spangled Banner." Think about it: religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? And we wont leave much of a trace. That is against their interests. As we saw from my piece on Louis C.K. Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. And even if it's something that anyone would really want that much. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, 44. Whether you agree with him or not, Carlins views are definitely worth considering. The FCC, an appointed body, not elected, answerable only to the president, decided on its own that radio and television were the only two parts of American life not protected by the first amendment to the Constitution. Something I could really count on. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, 48. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. This is what we have to offer. I'm the Founder of SucceedFeed.com and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my posts and being apart of the Succeed Feed community. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.". "Undisputed heavyweight champion." Some of these one-liners included: "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 41. It creates a hostile work environment. An airline pilot who has on two different shoes. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit. But most of this "humor" on the Internet is just plain stupid. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin. Our experienced and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection that's just right for you and just right for your budget. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. I decided to look around for something else to worship. George Carlin Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. That's my motto. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. It's ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths! Nature is in here. Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. Now we're really going to get even: we're sending experts to show them how to run their economy. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. Where are these people hiding? The planet doesn't need that. Like the public. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. 7. Next time you are at the computer, get on the Internet, go to Wikipedia. This is the best we can do. Let's kill a beautiful tree that's been alive for seventy-five years and bring it to New York City. Fertilization. Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate We earn from qualifying purchases. Don't let my beard become entangled in the gears of a transcontinental bus. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, 4. No, viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, E. Coli bacteria, the crabs. The planet is fine. It's interested in its own power. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. "I just got here, man, you kiddin' me?" Some people don't want you to say this, some people don't want you to say that. Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? Fertilization: When the sperm fertilizes the egg, which is usually a few moments after the man says, "Gee, honey, I was gonna pull out, but the phone rang and it startled me." Nothing changed. Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. Its the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin different. Because you have the illusion of choice. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. George Carlin, 34. Its a fucking sacrilege! Occasionally, a couple of jokes on a long list might have come from me, but not often. I dont understand why prostitution is illegal. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. Its because volunteers work for no pay. But dont participate; it will be your death. Must be another one of those "miracles.". And I would admit, that somewhere underneath all this there's a little flicker of a flame of idealism that would love to see it all huish! Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. What's the alternative to pumping out a unit every nine months? This is the best we can do folks. You voted them in. Produced by Will Reid and Michael Simon Johnson. George Carlin was one of the most well-known and beloved comedians of all time. He was also known for his outspoken views on government and politics. But they take it too far, they take themselves too seriously, they exaggerate. When youre born in America, you get a front-row seat. Let's go for a drive OK? I wish to be BLOWN UP. All right, that's enough of that. Actor: Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Nothing sacred about those things. Then youre just what theyre looking for. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? It's interested in its own power, that's the only thing, keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. Am I right? Here's another question I have. If Barry Bonds attains lifetime statistics identical to his father's, it will not be ironic. Sneezy was a full blown coke freak. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. Remember that? It's convenient. And then we want a toy and a gizmo and gold and we want shiny things, and we want something to plug in that will make big big big things for us And all that shit is nothing! I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. See, the really hardcore people will tell you life begins at fertilization. Theres no present. "Land of the Free," "Home of the Brave," "The American Dream," "All men are equal," "Justice is blind," "The Press is free," "Your vote counts," "Business is honest," "The good guys win," "The police are on your side," "God is watching you," "Your standard of living will never decline" and "Everything is going to be just fine:" the official national bullshit story. Its interested in its own power. Im talking about the real owners now the real owners. Ice Cube Shares George Carlin Quote About Politicians: 'They Own You' Any old orifice will do for Dopey. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Let me arrive safely back at my hotel room. Apparently, were not ready for that! George Carlin, 72. The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centersbut if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. the government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. Of course, I'm sure the reverend isn't that comfortable with anything that has two knobs on it. Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, 24. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. We think in language. Huh? I'll give ya somethin' to put in your mouth!" They own everything. Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. Broadly speaking. It's not an attitude in line with the American Spirit, but there it is: we all screw around first. Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. Now, some people like to twist that around. By gyokusai August 29, 2010. creed of reason. They own, and control the corporations. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, 46. No war on homelessness. They don't care about the planet in theory. 12. Compared with the people, the planet is doin great. Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, 40. Carlin got famous for his bit about the "words you can't say on television," but his legacy speaks of so much more, wisdom and wit that deserve to live on through the ages. Happy was into grass and grass alone Happy, that's all he did. Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ", "Rockets And Penises In The Persian Gulf", Now, to balance the scale, I'd like to talk about some things that bring us together, things that point out our similarities instead of our differences. And if they tell you youre not a team player, congratulate them on being observant. This entire country is completely full of shit, and, Clinton might be full of shit, but at least he lets ya know it! The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. Pack your shit, were goin away. We havent tried that for a while. No money to be made off of the homeless. It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. Doesn't anyone in this country stop and LOOK AT THINGS anymore? What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. And they support the South American DEATH squads. The Zen Teachings of George Carlin, a Comedian Who Pointed the Way Judd Apatow and Michael Bonfiglio's new HBO documentary "George Carlin's American Dream" takes viewers on a tour through. I never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked 5 twos! War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle-class and lower-class men off to die. George Carlin, 78. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. But the Government Said I Have Rights | The Anarchist Library I know that. Anyone who can't go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. He is the victim of an accident. "One thing leads to another"? Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. So let me ask you something: how's everybody doing tonight, huh? And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesnt want you to do. It's ridiculous! And of course this country is founded on the double standard, that's our history! Be happy with what youve got, because the owners of this country dont want that. Guys with a lot of small pins on their hats. But what's the alternative? Did you ever notice that, how many stupid people you run into during the day? Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. Pray for anything you want. I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took the group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan Administration. Its never going to get any better. When they talk about drugs, they don't talk about all of them. 17. So I say live and let live. ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. Didn't need any help on that ladder. After that, they don't want to know about you. 16. Who said so? The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. Individualists. Period. "Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "big pain in the ass". When a business man sits down to negotiate a deal, the first thing he does is to automatically assume that the other guy is a complete lying prick who's trying to fuck him outta his money. It's true! And camcorders: here is technology gone berserk. Heres some bumper stickers Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters. We have a daughter in public school who hasnt been knocked up yet. We have a son in public school who hasnt shot any of his classmates yet. it simply doesn't give a fuck about you. I recently bought a book of free verse. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. Save the planet! Some people think if you mention some things they might happen. And we'll be gone. It's all very confusing. 11 Profound Quotes on Politics by George Carlin But it can't happen, "I want to live my next life backwards: You start out dead and get that out of the way. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. The truth is, we don't have people like that. And here as long as were talking about theme restaurants, I got a proposition for you. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this fuckin' place. Yeup, sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize the government doesn't give a fuck about them. To me, no person is a better example of that than George Carlin, a savage satirist and brilliant thinker who was just as much of a writer and a philosopher as he was a comedian. ""These days many politicians are demanding change. Religion is just trying to control your mind, control your thoughts, so they're gonna tell you some things you shouldn't say because they're Smug, greedy, well-fed white people have invented a language to conceal their sins. It simply does not give a fuck about you! I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. It sounds like this: "What, they have bigger dicks? They don't take into them the idea that we are part of it. But if he starts that smart-ass fly shit, buzzing my head and repeatedly landing on my arm, he is engaging in high-risk behavior. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Because Im an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. 33. "GIMME THAT, IT'S MINE!" I sit there laughing and they go to waste. You know what the motto of this country ought to be? ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. I call it the American Okie Doke. But he can't say, "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony, don't you?". political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners, Vision of Buddhism: The Space Under the Tree, https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=George_Carlin&oldid=3275017, I was on a talk show recently, and the host asked me, "What do you think about the dope problem?" Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus. Required fields are marked *. I have certain rules I live by. Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, 42. George Carlin - IMDb If you take five white guys and put em with five black guys, and let em hang around together for about a month, and at the end of the month, youll notice that the white guys are walking and talking and standing like the black guys do. Darryl Stingley, the pro football player, was paralyzed after a brutal hit by Jack Tatum. 34. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. Its like watching flies fuck! I leave that to others. No question about it. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. OK? And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. And the proof of it, the proof of it is, they don't even trust each other. I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. Or "Jesus, Can You Believe It's Christmas Again?" It's like watching flies fuck! "All of you over here, you seven? Then you become a baby, and then You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions central heating, room service on tap, and then You finish off as an orgasm. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. George Carlin, 33. The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election. George Carlin, 66. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. Any lawyer who refers to the police as the "Federalies." Everyone's at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. It's nothing. Is this the noblest thing that women can think of? My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? "I don't believe anything the government tells me." - George Carlin 02. George Carlin - Quotes, Death & 7 Words - Biography Fairly simple thing. It's called "dick fear!" If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor. 225 different people in the Ronald Reagan administration have either quit, been fired, arrested, indicted or convicted of either breaking the law or violating the ethics code! Save the planet, we don't even know how to take care of. You have owners. a few weeks ago, comedy at its best pushes our buttons and challenges our ways of thinking. I, George Carlin, being of sound mind, do not wish, upon my demise, to be buried or cremated. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they lose? I like people who buck the system. It's a shame everything has to have a label. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? It's an ego defense. You might have noticed that I never complain about politicians. Another George Carlin Quote. : Libertarian - Reddit Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?, 8. It helps to remember that. Dont look for it. Well, they don't want you to get an infection! George Carlin Thats our history. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, 73. Everybodys going to save something now. He was paranoid on his own. They want your fuckin' retirement money. 36. A dentist with blood in his hair. But happiness is not something I have, it is something I myself want to be. It was in 1951, when I was 14, when grass swept the neighborhood. The sanctity of life doesn't seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? And if you act now, we'll include an extra added, free, complimentary bonus gift, a classic, deluxe, custom, designer, luxury, prestige, high quality, premium select, gourmet combination key ring, magnifying glass and garden hose in a genuine imitation leather style carrying case with authentic vinyl trim. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. It's a subconscious need to project the penis into other people's affairs. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Two to a customer, each item sold separately, batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final, allow six weeks for delivery. Parents are full of shit, teachers are full of shit, clergymen are full of shit, and law enforcement people are fullofshit this entire country. Famous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics, "In America, anyone can become president. You want somethin' hot to suck on? During bombing raids in Iraq, the media liked to say that Saddam Hussein used people as, The fanatics have another name for fetuses. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. People are fucking dumb. You caused the problem. Im a loyal American and Im not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Let's get started! Next fucking case! Broadly speaking. A crazy person will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo, but he'll be wearing a Bugs Bunny suit at the time. You work 40 years until you're too young to work. They own everything. There are only two states an oven can possibly exist in: Heated or unheated! You know why? No contest! Hope these quotes will give you a different perspective on government and how it works. "Hey! Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. If you live on this planet, you're guilty, period, fuck you, end of report, next case. It's interested in its own power, THAT'S THE ONLY THING, keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. Say, pardon me? (shoots gun) Im awfully sorry. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact Us, Ronald Reagan Religious Quotes To Live Your Life As A True Believer, www.brainyquote.com/authors/george-carlin-quotes, www.quotes.thefamouspeople.com/george-carlin-1484.php, www.everydaypower.com/george-carlin-quotes. And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. This is an outmoded idea. Theyre always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. You ever see these guys? ""Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. George Carlin, 47. It creates a hostile work environment." On Election Day, I stay home. Fucking is legal. Quote by George Carlin: "Forget the politicians. The politicians are People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. We made the whole fucking thing up! You know why? So they killed a lot of white English people, in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out of the rest of the red Indian people, so they move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. 31. And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. 25. Keep em showing up at those jobs. George Carlin, 81. They must really be bad; they'd have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large! I guess hard-core fans who follow my stuff closely would be able to spot the fake stuff, because the tone of voice is so different. People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, 28. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, 3.

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